𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 34 | 𝑵𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝑰‘𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐.

#Chapter34 is about accepting that my past experiences, choices, and actions have all molded me into the woman I am today. These experiences have allowed me to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love, resilience, confidence and authenticity. 

#Chapter34 is about celebrating my growth and appreciating how far I’ve come, recognizing every bit of progress, no matter how small. It’s about accepting my imperfections and mistakes without harsh judgment, being kind and gentle with myself as I continue to grow.

#Chapter34 is about being present and living in the moment, focusing on the now while acknowledging how my past has shaped my present. If it weren’t for who I was then, I wouldn’t be who I am now.

#Chapter34 is about consulting God first. He knows what I don’t, sees what I don’t, hears what I don’t. Trusting and believing that He knows best. 1 Corinthians 14:33 - For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.

#Chapter34 is about self-care, prioritizing my well-being to nourish my body, mind, and soul. Prioritizing my physical health; changing my diet, increasing my exercise and reducing stress. Replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations and constructive criticism. Setting boundaries, understanding my needs and limits, and protecting my peace.

#Chapter34 is about being self-aware, recognizing and understanding my strengths, emotions, motivations, and triggers. Remembering who I am and whose I am, in all spaces. Understanding that even when others’ insecurities take over, my value remains the same. 

#Chapter34 is about not relearning the same lessons, taking time to reflect on what I’ve learned and applying these lessons to future situations, decisions, and actions.

#Chapter34 is about talking less, observing more, and moving accordingly. Understanding that people show how they truly feel about you, not through their words but through their actions. Communicate and share information wisely; not everyone listening has good intentions. This year is about prioritizing myself, being my biggest advocate, and embracing the journey thus far. 

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Today I found myself overwhelmed with 5000+ thoughts, questions, scenarios and concerns. “What about this and that and how should I do that what if that happens.” I kept pushing through, knocked this task out and completed that, cleaned up, and workout and…. then I realized regardless of all the task I completed I continued to get overwhelmed. I went in the sauna, and I couldn’t even be still, every two minutes in and out - I couldn’t relax my mind.

Once I got out, I literally found this bench and sat down. I just sat there and drank my water; people were going in and out…. I just sat there. In that moment I needed to just be STILL and get clarity from God on what he wanted me to do next. Soon He spoke to me and I listened - my fear was becoming bigger than my Faith. My thoughts were doubts that God wasn’t going to come through. My thoughts was me trying to figure out alternative ways to be in places/events that God already told me I wasn’t going to be. My thoughts was my anxiety telling me God won’t deliver on time and that I needed to step in. Out loud and some of the ladies in here probably thought I was losing it, I said “I’m sorry God.”

It happens to most of us, but it’s about catching yourself before you really start believing the negative thoughts/doubts, etc. God had it all under control- always has and always will. He already has everything planned - I need to TRUST and BELIVE him even when I don’t instantly see the execution steps of His vision He gave me. Faith is preparing yourself for what you know He is about to do even without seeing it. Faith is believing that He didn’t give you a vision to not be able to properly see it through. Faith is patience, Faith is trusting, and Faith is obedience.

Get still, be quiet, He will speak to you - LISTEN.

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“For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.” - 1 Corinthians 14:33

Your friendships do not have to be toxic and/or confusing. Know when to let that friendship end/go, for your own peace. Know when you deserve better, because you do. Know when toxicity have taken over, and too much has happened to repair what was. Know that God will place NEW people in your life to make up for what has went away/ended.

I have to be honest, this #ShanquellaRobinson case has been triggering for me. Triggering for me because I know how I can be when it comes to “friends”, previously. This situation could have easily happened to me, you, anyone. The truth is, although there may have been signs, sometimes people believe it or not don’t know the signs until unfortunately it is too late.

• Be careful of the “friend” who’s vibe/energy makes you feel uncomfortable/uneasy when you are around them. 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 - 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵.

• Be careful of the “friend” who always want to debate with you. 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.

• Be careful of the “friend” who other people feel so (comfortable) coming to and discussing you with. 𝘕𝘰, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 - 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 [𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦] 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶?

• Be careful of the “friend” who projects comments towards you that really self-consciously describes them. 𝘌𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦.

• Be careful of the “friend” when explaining anything you do and/or that is yours - they put the word “little” in front of. 𝘓𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥, 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦, 𝘦𝘵𝘤.

• Be careful of the “friend” who picks on you, belittles and/or degrade you in front of people but then covers it up with “it was just a joke.” 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘯 𝘫𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘴, 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺.

• Be careful of the “friend” who privately engages/communicates with you but in public doesn’t invite/engage/acknowledges you. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘷𝘪𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵/𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

• Be careful of the “friend” who is only happy for you when things are going right in their lives.

• Be careful of the “friend” who never understands how “he/her” chose you over them. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵.

• Be careful of the “friend” who never supports your business, whether financially, via social media, word of mouth but brand ambassadors for everything and everyone else.

• Be careful of the “friend” who (takes) and (need) from you but never [pours] back into you.

• Be careful of the “friend” who rather handle a disagreement physically rather than talk it out. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 “𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥.”

• Be careful of the “friend” that gets upset and tells all of your business to others and/or to the people you spoke about when friends. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳/𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.

• Be careful of the “friend” who never picks your side and always want to be the “neutral” party. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 (𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦) 𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦.

These are NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Yes, friendships look different for everyone because circumstances are different for all.

If you’re accepting these things, stop. Reflect and/or seek the professional help to find out why you allowed those things for as long as you did.

If you’re one of those “friends”, reflect and/or seek the professional help to find out why you are that “friend”.

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/shanquella-robinson-death-mexico-investigates-american-woman-seen-being-beaten-video/

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Beyoncé coming out with the Renaissance album was just the icing…..

I made up my mind that “Liberated, unapologetically” was going to be my theme for Chapter 32. A theme that would require me to have to stop making excuses, apologizing for protecting my peace, and not just saying I was confident but walking in confidence, in all spaces. 

Liberated, unapologetically to me means loving on self despite societal norms and traditional ideas. Finding the beauty within self in every step and action I decide on. Understanding that some may agree, some may not and overall that’s fine. Grasping the concept that every single one of us, were created in the image of God—perfect in His eyes. Therefore, no longer trying to paint a picture of perfection when in only His eyes, I am perfect. 

As I embrace this liberation stage, I find the courage to no longer stay in situations nor friendships/relationships that aren’t serving me. I stayed because I could “handle it”, “they were a good friend sometimes”, “we had good moments together.” Although I had to also realize I was starting to feel not valued, unloved and/or unappreciated which was then altering my reflection of myself. I have stopped arguing, repeating my needs and just leave, unapologetically in hopes that one day a conversation would be held but currently distance will be needed. 

Liberated, unapologetically is more than a theme it has become my lifestyle. Knowing that God will direct me to who and where He sees fit as long as I have the clear mental capacity to hear Him. Chapter 32, I’m living for me and giving notice later. I deserve this stage in my life, I’ve worked hard for it. Excited to see all that comes along with it, I know it won’t be all unicorns and skittles—although I’ll be liberated, unapologetically and that’s good enough for me.

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In this next chapter that I am entering I know that it is going to be very important for me to know who I am at the CORE of every situation, regardless of the circumstances. There will be obstacles that will come because that’s life - although that’s why I must trust and believe that God will see/guide me through every step of the way.

Knowing myself at the CORE means staying true to SELF no matter what. If I lose my job, start making six figures, become homeless, start another business, fall in love, have a falling out, gain weight, lose weight, etc.

Knowing who I am at the CORE is about being self-aware of who I am, who I am not, my flaws and strengths. Of course, I will give myself room to evolve and change throughout life. Although at the CORE when it’s all said and done, I must always remember who I am even when people try to convince me otherwise and/or society tries to make me forget.

Lately I was struggling with this and started to doubt myself, but I knew that in order for me to confidently walk into this next chapter I had to revisit who I was at the CORE. I created another CORE bored and really dug deep, the highlight was not having to struggle as much like I did the first time I created one. There were some changes from my first one, which is fine because that means I was able to remove even more layers and was more vulnerable than the 1st time.

• GOD FEARING - I do believe that God makes no mistakes and that He is not the author of confusion but of peace.

• HONEST - I am not a “yes” friend, that tells you just what you want to hear. I hold myself and people accountable of their actions.

• SPONTANEOUS - I do have a short attention span so I like trying different things. My curiosity always has me wondering which isn’t always a good thing, although I rather find out for myself than wonder.

• PROTECTOR OF MY PEACE – I do protect the energy I allow in my space because I do believe that energy is contagious.

• EXTRAORDINARY - I am “different” and that’s “ok - I am enough.

• RESILIENT - My “why” is bigger than my fears, there’s nothing I can not do if I put my mind to it.

I challenge you to answer this question “At the CORE, what are six words to describe who you are?” I challenge you to create a CORE board, write down those six words and then break down even more why you chose those words. If you need assistance, please feel free to reach out to me queenredefinedllc@gmail.com

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I swear all I want is to do this thing called life with a person that allows me to be me and loves me for me. I don’t want to be with someone just for the internet or just for the sake of being with someone.

“Dating” this time around has been so different for me, truly learning so much about myself. Things that I thought I wanted, I actually don’t. Things I thought I didn’t need, I actually do. Although I am realizing that love isn’t forced, it comes naturally and when it’s real it’s real. I refuse to settle, ignore my nonnegotiables and/or dim my light just because I want to be with someone. I wont rush what I know God is preparing specifically just for me - not on my time but His.

Until then I’ll continue to be open minded to be approached and pursued, because yes I can “shoot my shot” but it’s going to take a BOLD not disrespectful(there’s a difference) man to keep get/keep my attention. Looking forward to the trial and error of “dating” because I know that eventually the result will be #RealLove

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I’ve worked so hard to become HER. A woman that loves herself first before wanting to be loved by others. A woman who is confident, honest and caring—behind closed doors and publicly. A woman who knows there’s power in her voice, and uses it for herself and others that may have not realized their voice yet. A God-fearing woman, that knows she couldn’t have made it this far all by herself. A woman who isn’t scared of falling because she knows she won’t stay down for long.

I’ve accepted the good, bad and ugly of my truths - past and present. Because everything I’ve been through, has molded me to be who I am today: Confident, devastating, determined, extraordinary, and liberated. I believe that God is preparing me for something bigger and greater and He needs me to be obedient, not on my time but His. It may result in less friends, invitations and/or opportunities—but that’s a chance I’m willing to take.

God wants me to stop being so easily distracted and offended. Instead, I should focus on the lessons learned and apply it to future situations. For God will not set you up for anything He did not think you were not ready for. I have to get READY to conquer all that He has for me, for doors He will open, and for the tables He will not only have me sit at - but build. I didn’t come this far to be scared and/or live in fear, exchanging it all for strength and faith...because I’ve worked so hard to become HER.

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“Ask yourself - If God called me HOME today, could I say I truly lived my life.”

If you hesitate and/or say “no”, then know it’s never too late to start living life however you see fit. Stop worrying about the “likes”, approvals, validations, and just start LIVING unapologetically.

How do you want to be remembered? Who are you? What do you stand for? It differs for us all, because God created us all differently - to execute different visions and fulfilling different purposes in life.

There’s no contract on how long we’ll all be here. Live everyday to the fullest and don’t allow your doubts, worries and fears to get in your way. Say your “I love You’s”, embrace your talents, speak your mind, trust and believe in God, protect your peace, dance in the rain, just be you and LIVE.

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“At the CORE, what are six words to describe who you are?”

It’s very important to know at the CORE who you are. What do you believe in? What do you stand for? What don’t you like? What do you like? Who are YOU?

Live your truth and stay true to who you are at the CORE. I truly believe if you stay true to yourself; you’ll be able to persevere through certain situations, stand and speak up on matters that are important to you and inspire others to do the same.

Because if YOU don’t know who you are, society will tell you. If YOU don’t know what you believe in, society will tell you - don’t give SOCIETY that much control and/or power over YOU. Get to the CORE of who you are regardless of circumstances.

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“Coping your way, not theirs.”

Some people will never understand and I don’t want them to. But when you’ve lost someone you never thought that you’ll be living without(naively maybe but it’s the truth). You move a little different, you learn to brush things off your shoulders, you appreciate life a little more, you pray that God calms your heart and gives you the strength to move forward, you stop explaining yourself, you observe, you give grace, you forgive but move accordingly, you pick your battles, you hustle/grind harder, you stop caring about who has your back publicly or privately, you focus on the people who don’t make you feel like you’re hard to love, you count your blessings and not your problems, you hold the door wide open for those who want to leave your life, to leave.

A loss is never easy and neither is life. Although you stay focus and ask God to direct your foot steps. Unapologetically, you live your best life.

You remember your WHY and know that in addition to God, your angel is watching over you. You remember their sacrifices and make sure it doesn’t go in vain.

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Your “glow” is different when you’re the one causing it. 

For the past couple of months I’ve found myself not really focused on obtaining happiness but more on trying to maintain my joy. I believe that happiness is determined by circumstances, while joy comes from within. Therefore, I’m seeking joy so that regardless of my circumstances; there’s still a smile on my face, validation from others or society isn’t needed and my confidence isn’t altered by affirmations (or the lack thereof).

I’ve been getting to know me—what I like and what I don’t. What makes me happy, sad, frustrated, excited, tired and etc. It is good to know all these things when you’re living in a society that can be so judgmental and opinionated. Yes, the world can be ugly, but even uglier if you’re not sure of who you are in it. Someone once said to me, “if you don’t know who you are, they’ll tell you.” No one knows you more than you know yourself, a mental note that I keep close to my heart. 

There are a few things that I’ve realized and accepted about myself during these last few months. I have learned that I don’t take the easy way out and I won’t just be quiet to avoid confrontation. I would rather not repeat the same mistakes, so I learn and reflect from the previous ones. I have learned that I am no longer looking to be loved, but I rather know how to love myself so that when that time comes to be loved, by someone else—their love would just be the icing on the cake. I don’t know everything and that’s the beauty of living, to continuously learn and evolve.

So yes honey!!!!

The “glow” has been something else lately! Not at all discrediting the Hairizon Shea Butter that I use and purified water that I drink daily. However, I am giving credit to the spiritual journey that I’ve been on that has allowed me to now understand that God made no mistakes when He created me. I am understanding that God gives us one life to live and I am going to live it with no regrets.

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Roman 8:31 - “If God be for us, who can be against us?”

Trust God in every situation and space. Although we SAY it, we must make sure that our actions reflect it. Trusting God means being obedient to what He tells us. We must trust that God knows what’s best for us. Trust that God won’t put you through anything that He knew you couldn’t overcome. Trust that God will turn the impossible into possible; He has shown you over and over. When you trust God, you believe more and doubt less.

Pray to God for strength to get you through any obstacle. You are built for any situation that may come your way because you are never alone. Think of that situation a few years ago that you thought would break you. Now, think about the person you are today. Think about how far you’ve come and how far you still have to go. The truth is: You persevered and God saw you through.

Through it all, you have to stay true to yourself. Never forget your core values and what makes you, YOU. For me, I will always be passionate, God-fearing, determined, loyal and caring. Those traits are components of what makes you stand out. When you start to compromise what makes you who you are—in a way I believe that means you’ve stopped trusting God and started doubting Him instead.

With God on your side, you’ve already WON. #PERIOD

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I recently watched the movie “What Men Want” featuring Taraji P. Henson with a few of my girlfriends. We went out to celebrate the overflow that’s been pouring in each other’s lives. Although I left with more than just a good time and laughs; I left with a new perspective on reciprocity, self-awareness, honesty and living your truth.

I reflected on the movie’s leading character Ali and how she navigated through certain situations and relationships. In the movie, she showed up based on her upbringing, life experiences and how she thought others viewed her. Then, I had to ask myself: “how do I show up in situations and relationships based on those factors?” This is a question I think we should try to answer truthfully, which could help in moving forward.

I do believe that it starts with self-love. When you love yourself truly, not just the “love yourself” images and messages you post for likes or to make others think you do. But, when you truly love yourself, know your worth and stay true to your core values—it shows. It shows in the way you interact with others, your demeanor and the choices you make regarding YOUR life.

There is no “thinking like a man.” All we can do is work on becoming the women that God created and intended for us to be, and continue trusting God and His divine process. We can try to understand that what men and women want are quite similar, but may be different in how they manifest themselves and are expressed: communication, reciprocity and respect. Be conscious of how you enter situations that occur in life and acknowledge the position and biases that you bring to them.

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“Are you ready for what you have been praying for.”

Oprah Winfrey stated “I don't believe in luck. For me, luck is preparation meeting the moment of opportunity.” I thought to myself, “will you be ready for all what you’ve been praying for!” Being honest with myself, at that moment I had to say out loud “no, I was not ready.”

YET.

I know people normally do a Spring cleaning, but I decided to do a New Year Cleaning. This consisted of, but was not limited to: cleaning/clearing out my apartment, washing dirty clothes, and cleaning out the refrigerator and my car. My thought process was to simply make room for all the NEW I believed God would bless me with leading into the new year. Although I soon realized that there was more cleaning/clearing out that I needed to do, not just physically but mentally and spiritually. I decided to clean out my heart, clear out my mind and change my perspective moving forward into 2019.

I knew before God could truly bless me with MORE, I needed to make room in my life to be able to receive it. I had to dispose of unhealthy relationships that ended up fueling my trust issues, negative thoughts about myself and others, self-doubt, and the list of “what if’s.” I needed to change my perspective, and truly accept and believe that God knows best; that He will guide and bless me with what He knows I NEED, when I need it—as He has always done.

We must make room in our heart for God to heal us, show us how to forgive and give grace as He has done for us many times. Heal, so we can become sound or healthy again. Forgive, so we can stop feeling angry or resentful about an offense, flaw, or mistake. This is all so that we can learn how to give grace—something that we do not deserve, but receive in ways that are abundantly freeing.

Prepare yourself for all what you’ve been praying for because we serve a God that turns the impossible, into possible.

This is YOUR year, claim it and receive it.

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“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted . It’s about making sure you’re accepted for who you truly are and not what they want you to be.”

Who truly doesn’t want to be liked? Want to be in the know, “in the loop,” have friends, be apart of a crew, clique, and/or squad depending on your lingo. Secretly I think we all do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as you’re not changing for others to be accepted. Allow people to love you for who you are and who you are not. Be authentic in every space, situation, and relationship. So that people know who they are or are not dealing with. Stay true to your core values because they are what makes you extraordinary. It is important to know who you are, so no one can come and tell you. 

I realized a long time ago that I was not cut from the same cloth as most. That it would take people either instantly or longer to accept and/or love me for who I am. In high school, I came to the realization that I wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea and they weren’t mine. At the same time, there were a million people in this world that I would have the chance to meet. I knew that as long as I stayed true to myself, beliefs, and morals that everything and everyone else will fall in place. 

God will surround you with people you need and truly loves you for you. They will be there for you during your accomplishments and shortcomings. You deserve to be loved for who you are. They are either going to love you or not, because no matter what....you’ll always be accepted. 

By God. 

So no more being a chameleon in different spaces or people.....be YOU. 

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Self-esteem is a big part of an individual’s perception of who they are (and who they are not), how they view society, and how they think society views them. While working at the NCCU Women’s Center, I noticed that a lot of what the women and I were going through, had a lot to do with how we viewed ourselves. Perhaps, we have been conditioned by society to think that way—what we deem to be beautiful, ugly, fat, weird, different, or even “crazy.” We remained in the negative and toxic relationship cycles, we pointed fingers, we did everything except discuss why we were allowing it to continue.

However, when we finally began having these discussions about “why?”, we started to see and experience positive results, and a change in our actions. When you love and respect yourself, situations play out differently. Your demeanor, attitude, work ethic, and actions all become different. When you’re not good within, it doesn’t matter how much you try to pretend or how much you attempt to cover it up with makeup, the truth will eventually be revealed in your actions. It’s about loving yourself and knowing that you deserve the best. It’s about knowing that you are enough, even when society tries to tell you that you are not. It’s about deciding to move forward, even when your past tries to hold you hostage. It’s about understanding that no one but God is perfect. You will make mistakes and learn from it, and that is okay. It’s about respecting yourself enough to walk away from anything or anyone that is disturbing your peace and happiness.

Queen ReDefined is about loving you first, so that you can be in a position to help and uplift others. It is a motivational platform used to embrace, inspire, support, and uplift the Queen within, individually and collectively.